Category: Musings / Poetry / Rambles

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It’s Okay to Not be Okay: Part One

First and foremost, I want to apologise for not posting much lately – I’ve been busy… mostly.

Alright, lets cut the crap. The real reason I haven’t been posting is because I don’t know what to say. I try to keep my content pretty positive and uplifting, but lately I’ve had a downward spiral that doesn’t seem to be ending. I am only human, there are many things that I don’t know, many things that I must learn before I can share them. What I’ve been wondering as of late is: how can I encourage others to be positive when I myself have not been? It feels so fake, so forced. I had hoped that I could always be genuine in my interactions and/or my posts. And I genuinely believed things were getting better. And now I’m not sure if I believe that anymore. I’m not even sure if I should or could believe it if I was given the chance to.

So today’s topic is: It’s Okay to Not be Okay.

• You don’t need to be happy one hundred percent of the time. You are allowed to feel other emotions – pain, embarrassment, anger. We are humans, not game show hosts. (yes, that was indeed a Heathers reference, for all you little fans out there)
• If you are happy, you don’t need to feel guilty or ashamed. You do not need to carry the burdens of other people on yourself, it is okay to set limits. Carrying both the troubles of yourself and others is not healthy for you. There is only so much pressure one person can take.
• On the flip side, it’s also okay to open up and talk about your issues. Some days you might be feeling strong, like you can take it all on yourself – that’s great. But sometimes you need help, and though it can be hard to admit that, it is oftentimes necessary. I suggest talking to a counsellor or a close friend. If you’re worried about this person telling your secrets or troubles, try talking to a close online friend who lives a ways away, as it is less likely they will be able to contact your real life peers, family, or friends. You can also text or call a suicide hotline.

I’ll be back with a part two of this post. At some point. Hopefully. It’s too long and important of a topic to simply put in one post.

Anyways, stay safe and do your best, m’dears. Until next time. *tips hat* As always, feel free to post a comment or a request for my next post.

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Anxiety and Headaches: An Introduction

A poem/song I wrote today. Hope you enjoy, and if you do, please comment and let me know!

I present to you, dear ladies and gents’

“Anxiety and Headaches: An Introduction”

Too tired to function
Too anxious to sleep
Oh such splitting headaches
And all the time I couldn’t keep
And when the clock strikes midnight
And I finally come alive
I realise I have woken up again
Only to wake up and die
The too-bright neon lights
The all-too cheerful faces
I wonder do they see the monsters?
Or am I the only one who’s hopeless?
Will they follow down this path
Of staying up late and dying young
Will they regret their anxious thoughts
When they finally see the sun?
Will they have splitting headaches, too
Or will they be just fine
I know it isn’t up to me
To see ahead of my time
Then my thoughts come to a halting stop
Its morning once again
I sigh, another sleepless night
Another day of splitting pain
I’ll try to sleep well tonight
Like every night before
Oh god, please take the monsters away;
The anxiousness down to my core.

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A Poetic Ramble About Emotions and What it Means to be Human

Why do we live? Why do we die? Why do we feel the way we do? Pain, pleasure, the tinkling of our skin when we’re scared. We feel hatred and love, always wondering which is stronger; which will win inside of us. Are we human because we bleed? Or do we bleed because we are human? And are we still human once we’ve become numb, without emotions to guide us? For a man can kill in a fit of rage, but what we must truly fear are those who plan. Those who think of murder in a precise and delicate fashion. For they are actors upon the world’s stage, ever deceitful and villainous. Their trickery is a victory. Even if you’ve known them all your life, you’ve never really known them at all.
“I’m so sorry.”
And then I do it. I let her fall. I let her die.

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If you want to, feel free to post your opinions on this down below in the comments! If you run across this piece of writing anywhere else please alert me at once; I haven’t put it anywhere except here. Thanks for reading! *tips hat* Till next time!

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Twenty Steps (My Outlook on Setbacks and Meeting Goals)

I’m sure many of you can relate to this – personally, it was about my depression, but I know that it will have a different meaning for different people. If you’d like to, you can comment about how you perceived this. I hope you enjoy reading!

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Twenty steps.

Twenty steps to freedom.

It should be easy, right? Lift one leg, move forward, and do it again. But sometimes we get pushed back and when people ask, “How are you?” how can we reply that we were doing fine yesterday, but we’re back at the beginning today? How can we tell them without the fear that what we’re saying isn’t valid? Isn’t enough because, “Look at that girl. She has thirty steps and you only have twenty. Why are you being so dramatic?” and “Its not that hard. You’re just overreacting.”

And at some point maybe we start believing you, but it doesn’t make it any easier. These feelings are valid. These struggles are real. It may take us years to climb those steps and reach the top, but when we do, we will be stronger.

Don’t you dare call us weak because we fell. You were the ones who pushed us down.

Twenty steps to freedom.

Twenty steps.